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Over the past couple of years, I've tried really hard to do the right things in my life. I've paid on bills, I've tried to make up for past mistakes, I've stuck with jobs I hated.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to make this job work... and... something has got to give. I'm fighting depression on a daily basis, I feel like my managers don't care, and I'm plagued by childish theivery and pranks.

Every weekend, I just want to curl up with Roho in the bedroom and hide, because I know Monday is coming. I am tired all the time, cranky with friends and oversensitive to comments and remarks. I cry at the drop of a hat. A look at Monster and CareerBuilder (via the Chicago Tribune) tell me that quitting is not an option, since there is literally nothing out there.

Since June of 2002, I've worked in an increasingly hostile and abusive work environment. My pleas for help have been ignored by management as they shoved more work onto my desk. My coworker Val, who gets the 'Laziest Bitch of the Year' award, still holds her job, despite the numerous complaints from all my coworkers. Chuck even yelled at her in the office on Monday. (And was later pulled into the Boss's office for an hour or two)

Every time I take a vacation, I feel better for a couple of days, then everything is back to the way it was before; the stress, the despair, the tears.

I just.. I don't know how to cope with this. I can't go on, day after day, sniffling through the phone calls, popping tylenol for the migraines, trying to sleep through my mornings because sleep is better than dreading the hour I have to leave for work.

I know that no matter where I apply for a job right now, I'm not going to get hired. That's realistic, not pessimism. Leaving this job for another isn't an option right now.

If anyone has any advice... I really need to hear it.


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 29th, 2003 08:58 pm (UTC)
No job is worth this
Can you possibly afford to be without your income for this job for 3-6 months? Possibly by moving in with another couple, telling them that it's just for 6-12 months?

Unless it's no, you need to tell your manager(s) pretty much what you just posted here.

And that you will mother fucking quit if they don't fix the problems. Tout le suite.

*hugs o' support*

Jan. 30th, 2003 04:19 am (UTC)
Re: No job is worth this
I'm with Mitch on this one. It sounds like something has to change.

When I was in college, my guiding principle wasn't so much being on any one career path, but this: I never want to be in a job where I wake up in the morning dreading going to work. We spend too much of our lives at our jobs for the jobs to suck the joy out of our lives.

I reckon it's time to step up the search, if you haven't already. I don't have a clear idea on exactly what you provide tech support for, but two things spring to mind: Recruiters, and networking. Recruiters are great because they work for you but don't cost a thing; unless you're at entry-level, they can usually find something for you. As for networking - there's a whole lot of computer geeks in LAFF. Post something to the list with your qualifications and see if anyone's employer is hiring. If nothing else, maybe they don't know of anything but they have this friend...

Good luck!
Jan. 30th, 2003 06:39 am (UTC)
Re: No job is worth this
I've actually decided to go on a data collecting mission next week. We have two seperate groups of phonecalls that come in, and right now, in the regular dispatching pool, I'm covering probably 80% of them, rather than the 20% I should be.

I can't track other people's numbers, but if I have to, I'll do what I did to get Raye fired; I'll go up the ladder of management. I have letters I sent to my manager Gwen, and I can get my buddy Rob to pull hard numbers.

You're right. No job is worth this. But sometimes we have to pay a price just for survival. I've clawed my way to the precarious financial position I'm in now, and I've worked way too damned hard to just throw it away.

*hugs* Thanks for the support Mitch. :) I really appreciate it. :)
Jan. 30th, 2003 06:46 am (UTC)
Re: No job is worth this
Give the ladder of management a go, but if it doesn't come to anything soon, be prepared to flee. The money is not worth the agony you are going through.

If anything, you could always grab a retail job or something fun for at least a little bit of income while you look for something more permanent. It won't supply the income you're used to, but it's better than sitting on no income for however long it takes to find something better.
Jan. 30th, 2003 07:45 am (UTC)
Considered an antidepressant? I just started on one two days ago. It'll take about two weeks to really start working. We'll see what happens...
Jan. 30th, 2003 07:47 am (UTC)
I have a prescription for Zoloft that I don't take.

And the reason why?

Because when I'm not at work, I'm fine. I function, I laugh, I play, I deal with stresses.

Depression is not the root of the problem. My job is.
Jan. 30th, 2003 07:57 am (UTC)
That's what they gave me -- does it actually work?
Jan. 30th, 2003 09:38 am (UTC)
I know this can be a difficult decision but....I think you have to consider living on only one income for a while. Simtra an I were in this situation a year ago and it really sucked. I hated my job and it was made worse by the fact that he loved his and he had company loyalty...and we worked for the same company (difference being, I was a peon and he was management). I hated going to work and I hated coming home because I knew I would have to go back again. I cried all the time and slept when I wasn't crying.

When a job starts damaging health and relationship, it's time to consider letting it go. IF you at all possibly can do consider quitting. You're not doing yourself or your mate any good by being in this situation.

If you want suggestions for going to a single income I can help. Let me know.
Jan. 30th, 2003 10:06 am (UTC)
A single income is not an option.

Both Bren and myself have too much debt for us to be able to afford where we live on his income alone, even if we cut the frills to the absolute minimum. Besides that, I would not ask him to pay debts I incurred before we became a couple. That's not fair.

I'm not trying to sound like a whiner, that complains about a situation and does nothing to rectify it; I've been pushing my resume everywhere I can. But quitting and not having any income (or, as Cheb suggested, a lesser income) isn't really an option until I have a few more bills paid off. After all the old debt is gone, I can take a sizable pay cut; I'll only need to make enough to cover my share of the rent, my truck payment, and my insurance. (Well, and gas and food)
Jan. 30th, 2003 10:12 am (UTC)
I have offered, but she's a stubborn cheetah ;)
Jan. 30th, 2003 12:05 pm (UTC)
*nods* I know the feeling, believe me. I was so proud of myself. It was the first real job I'd had that had lasted long enough for me to put it on a resume. Simtra said that if I didn't quit, we weren't likely to be together much longer....and that was when I decided it just wasn't worth it. Hopefully you two won't reach that point.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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