Today, as some know, was my first day back at work after a 2 week vacation. After I came in, I realized that Piyush was moved back to mornings, that I would be the only person working the ftf project after 2pm, and that I was totally fucked, since they have me working news and pages.
I discovered that things are back to the way they were before. PJ and Evan chitchatting about satellite dishes and other inconsequentials while the calls rack up and I take them. Val is puttering around removing tape from the walls where all the Christmas lights were hung.
There are no words... to describe how this makes me feel. The emotions running through me are hardly unfamiliar: despair, frustration, anger, and yes, a bit of fear, that I'll never be able to get away from this place.
This morning, I made tons of phone calls that I had been avoiding- calling my insurance company so they can come photograph my truck (evidently the bitch and her whelp are fine), I called my dental insurance, since the statement they sent me said I was responsible for paying the dentist $500 for my wisdom tooth extraction. They told me that I might be responsible for that if the claim is denied, they want to see the x-rays first. This means that I have to go in for my follow up, and knowing this particular oral surgeon, they'll charge me for that.. even more money down the drain.
I also called my health insurance provider, because I received a bill for $123 from my doctor. When I finally got in touch with them, they told me that Cigna (my insurance company) denied the claim for the depo shots. I called Cigna, and lo and behold, they won't pay for depo. I'm getting the suspicion that this is why ENH keeps sending me bills as well, because there's something else in there that Cigna won't pay for, and when I call them inquiring, they don't tell me.
I really wanted to start 2003 as a fresh start. I had hopes of getting my debts paid off, of actually being able to manage monthly expenses and put money into savings. Last year sucked ass for me financially, and I finally figured out why. There is a $7k discrepancy between how much I *should* have made last year, and how much I did. I started working for ARC at the beginning of February, and even taking that into consideration... I know I didn't miss so much work that I lost seven thousand dollars' worth of wages. I don't know where to start investigating this.. I don't even know if I want to bother. I am so sick of this place.. I just want out.
I'm tired of being constantly broke. I'm tired of having to borrow money, or pay my rent late every time something happens. I'm tired of things happening that suck away my money and my feelings of self sufficience and pride.
I guess I can take pride in the knowledge unlike that alot of others, my self respect isn't for sale.
Somehow, that's not very comforting.