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Dreams..

I dreamed last night that roho and I were planning on flying home to Louisiana this winter. I kept rationalizing the decision by saying I could take two days off work, and we'd only be gone for 4 days, and the only expense would be the tickets.

Lately, I've had a lot of odd dreams... the night before, I was in another accident, and while the officer was writing the ticket, I was sobbing that it wasn't my fault, and I couldn't afford it.

I have also experienced odd insomnia. The other night I woke up at 5 and couldn't go back to sleep. I think I dozed off and on for a few hours, but didn't feel particularly rested, yet was wide awake. Last night (or was it the night before?) we went to bed at our usual bedtime and I lay awake.. unable to relax enough to sleep.

Very odd.

I know the reasons for the dreams- The accident last week, and the growing dillema about how to handle telling my parents that my Christmas plans involve going to Maine rather than coming home. I know that feren is right in what I need to do about the relationship with my folks, but... just can't quite bring myself to it. Instead, I'm just going to work on not stressing about it too much.

Work has been... odd... the past few days. They've moved someone from the day shift to the night shift, and it seems that everyone on the team is actually...working... Monday, I was too suspicious of having more work dropped onto me to really enjoy it. (More work was dropped, and I did not handle it very well.) I think if this continues, I might be able to handle staying here til Spring... unless I don't get a raise. :P

Finances... ooh boy are my finances a total wreck. My bank has started putting random charges and deductions in my account, and has informed me that if I want my bank statement for September (which never arrived), I will have to pay a $5 service fee. I think I'm going to need to sit down and work out something that will let me pay off that remaining debt that prevents me from getting an account with a decent bank.

Health... my health is actually.. surprisingly.. doing okay. Once the major stress of work started easing up, my headaches and other aches and pains started easing, I feel more energy, and I haven't had a problem yet with the monthly. *knocks on wood* Still have a bit of lung congestion, but I think that's settled in for the duration. If it holds true to habit, Pneumonia will hit me just about at Christmastime. Happens every year since I was 17. :p

I noticed some new people added me to their friends listings, which was really rather neat. *waves hello* :) So I have my ego stroking of the day.

I guess this is just a pointless entry to say I'm feeling really good, and life is starting to look up.

I finally got off my butt and started serious work on one of my commissions.. and I must say that Photoshop 7 is delightful. It has all the features of 6, without the incompatibility problems with my tablet. Yay! There's a few other problems with the tablet that I think a driver update will fix... just need to remember to download the driver at home. ;)

Dieting... well... dieting is as miserable as ever. It's really hard to be on a diet that restricts you from eating "normal" foods and not just those that are unhealthy. It's really hard to watch people EAT those foods in front of you. I had a discussion with Bren Sunday night about the whole dieting situation and how we wanted to proceed. I felt really bad that I was being such a ninny about things. (I wanted to cry when I saw donuts at the MFF staff meeting and I couldn't have one) So.. after some research and discussion, we've modified the Atkins diet a little bit to get me a bit more freedom, and are going to be experimenting with it to see how it works out.



The biggest problem is that I have such a long way to go- it's really discouraging, even when one considers how far I've come. In the past year, I've lost almost 80lbs. I can't believe how far I let myself slide...and I think that if I had stayed in the situation I was in, it wouldn't have stopped until I killed myself.

And the really rough thing is, my worst cravings aren't for unhealthy sweets, but for things like... a baked potato. Pasta. God, I'd love to have a big plate of spaghetti with bread smothered in garlic. (Can we please please please hit Olive Garden while I'm off the diet for MFF? Please! ;) )

I get really tired of the things I *can* have fairly quickly. I burnt out bad on eggs after the first week. (I used to love omlettes, but if you try to get me to eat one now, I'm gonna toss it at you) Anything that sounds like it'd be tasty that is low enough in carbs for me to have, requires a good bit of prep time. My weekends are short enough without having to spend a few hours making enough food for a week.

All that aside though... the conversation with Bren I had on Sunday night really... touched and encouraged me to perservere. I haven't made very much progress since I began the diet because I've been so wrapped up in what I couldn't eat.. that I was becoming obsessed with it. When I'd go off the diet, it would be an unhealthy binge. Bren seemed more concerned in my mental health than in the condition of my waistline.. which was so contrary to anything I've ever experienced before that it... was incredibly nice.

Our experiment is to give me more 'Reward Meals' a month. The whole idea behind Atkins is to eat low carb. Your body is pushed into ketosis, which consumes stored fat for energy rather than the carbs it would otherwise. Our concern is giving me enough Reward Meals that the pressure is gone, without giving me so many carbs that I fall out of ketosis. Last night, Bren picked up some test strips that are really kind of neat..evidently diabetics use them to test for ketones. Ketones for a diabetic are bad, ketones for someone on Atkins are good.

I'm really hopeful that this will be a... less hopeless... way of doing things.



In other news, I am really excited about the lineup of movies being released in the near future. Harry Potter, The Two Towers, and Treasure Planet. Whee! :>

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
chebutykin
Oct. 30th, 2002 10:48 am (UTC)
Hang in there on that diet... I applaud your perseverence. I'll happily make sure that an Olive Garden trip happens during MFF. *grin*
enveri
Oct. 30th, 2002 11:13 am (UTC)
Knew I could count on you, Cheb! ;)

And thanks. ;)
tygermoonfoxx
Oct. 30th, 2002 02:04 pm (UTC)
Look into the Scarsdale diet....it's a low carb diet but it's also low fat and low calorie. It gives definite meals in several variations which can be switched around to suit your fancy. I think that makes it harder to cheat when you have a definite plan to follow. The thing to remember is compensation. For instance, the other night I had pasta for lunch and so I didn't have any starches or grains for my dinner. I also limit my portions to one serving.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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