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Jul. 6th, 2002

We had a good 4th of July.

There was a minor episode in the morning when I quietly went to pieces, but Brendan perservered, and with his help and the aid of a really nice hot shower, I felt much better.

We had plans to spend the late afternoon/evening at a BBQ thrown by one of his D&D buddies, and therein lay the source of my anxiety. Swimming was to be involved, and it's been several years since I even thought of wearing a bathing suit. Let's just say that I didn't want to go out and expose myself, but I wanted to go swimming, and therein lay the dilemna .

I had a lot of... depression/anxiety about my weight that day... which is partly due to the fact that I hate eating in front of people. Stuff like this is why. I'm sure that anyone with a weight problem knows exactly what I'm talking about- You feel like everyone is watching you disapprovingly, measuring every bite you take. I felt like a huge cow; lumbering, undesirable, totally miserable.

I don't know what I did to deserve Roho.. his patience, his understanding... A lot of times I half expect him to just walk away. With his past, I couldn't blame him. But he always sticks it out, and helps me through the rough spots. Even if I didn't love him already, I'd love him for that. As it is, I don't want to think about life without his supporting presence.

We headed over to the BBQ around 4pm... to find festivities already beginning. There were a lot of snacks and edibles, and quite a few kids running around, which was rather... interesting. Evidently the host's wife birthday is the 4th of July, so this was a double celebration. We had ribs and hotwings (both firsts for me) from Chili's, which was pretty good.. and I did end up wallowing in the pool for a little while. I got out when it started getting cold and found a corner to hide in and watch Roho enjoy himself.

I was quite surprised at the friendliness of the women... I didn't know any of these people (although I had met their husbands once when I went to one of the games back in December), but they did their best to include me in conversations and make me feel welcome. Everyone obviously knew each other and would ask about vacations and children... so I just sat quietly and sipped my drink.

After a while, the birthday cake was brought out, and all the small children started putting their fingers in it. Their mother just confined them to one side of the cake. Um.. my parents would have smacked the shit out of me if I had pulled a stunt like that... but.. oh well.. different parenting techniques I suppose... but quite a few of those present declined the cake, and I can't blame them.

The fireworks show was excellent. I overheard that they spent $400 on fireworks this year, and they managed to coincide our private showing with the municipal show put on by the city of Arlington Heights, which was impressive. There were a couple of nervous moments as flaming sparks showered down where we were sitting, but no one was hurt, despite the fact that the children were waving around 3 foot sparkler sticks without concern for others' eyes.

I was a little tired by the time we finally went home... as I had drank 2 beers and a Mike's Hard Lemonade, which is.. much...more alcohol than I normally consume. The drive home was nice... it had cooled off considerably, and we had the sunroof open... lots of fireworks still going off. We came home and crashed almost immediately, curled up around each other which was..mm. very nice. ;)

Yesterday was fairly uneventful... I had a doctor's appointment in the morning (which I was late for... oops), in which the doc told me that yes, I do have a fairly underactive thyroid, and that it may have contributed to years of weight gain, lethargy, and excessive bleeding during menstruation. Well, since my mother has had an underactive thyroid since she was 16 (she's 62 this year), and I know it runs fairly heavily through my family... this is my surprised face. :p I got a prescription for Synthroid, and the doc asked if I wanted a script for Ortho Novum. Well, since I am most definately NOT doing Depo Provera again, I accepted and we went on to discuss the condition of my liver. Evidently when they ran the bloodwork back in April, my liver wasn't looking so good. Too many years of junkfood were taking their toll. She said that this second test showed an improvement (again, my surprised face.. I've been dieting since april) , so I'm not too worried about that. The problem should correct itself as I lose weight.

They told me to come back in a month for more bloodwork, to see if the dosage of synthroid is good and just see how I'm doing. All told, I spent over $100 in prescriptions and doctor's visits in the last month. I'm very very glad to see the end of that. I am still bleeding, though. I'm hoping that as depo runs out of my system, that will stop. I'll give it til the end of the month, and if I'm still bleeding then, I'll call the doctor back. *sigh* and I'll never ever bitch about a 7 day period again.

After my appointment, we went to the grocery store to pick up lunch fixins... a couple of baking potatoes, some tortillas for fajitas, tonic... the usual. While Roho did the shopping, I plunked down and waited for my prescription to be filled. And waited.... and waited..... I was quite pleased to see that my insurance covers 90% of the synthroid, and it's going to run me about $10 a month. I can handle that.

After that, we came home, baked huge honkin potatoes, loaded them down with low-fat goodies (non fat cheese, non fat sour cream... the most fattening thing we put on there was low-cal margerine), and chowed down. We had decided that we were going to go see Men in Black II this weekend, so we did that yesterday afternoon. I really enjoyed the movie, but like Roho, I think I liked the first one better.

We came home and tried to decide what to do for dinner... looking for something that was within the caloric budget, and yet out of the ordinary, we decided to head over to KFC (I was *very* surprised when we looked up the nuitrition information) and picked up dinner... stopping at Blockbuster on the way. They were running a special.. 3 movies for 9.99, so we decided to go for that, and then we noticed that they were running a deal.. buy a 10 movie rental card for $25, and get a copy of Lord of the Rings for free. The movies had to be rented in 10 consecutive weeks. We thought that was a great deal, so went ahead and went for it. We ended up getting Total Recall, Planes Trains and Automobiles, and Rat Race. None of which I had seen.

We watched Total Recall.. which was.. interesting and good. Unfortunately the PS2 wouldn't play chapters 19 and 20, so we missed a good portion of the movie. I know what Roho's getting for his birthday. :P

All in all, it was a very very pleasant day. I'm really really liking Civ III... now that the computer isn't kicking my ass and laying waste to all my cities.. (take THAT, Greece! nyeah!) and Neverwinter nights looks really nifty. I'm keeping myself entertained with Civ until Roho tires of it, then I'll probably play that for a while and let him have the Civ cd. If anyone knows where to find a No CD patch for either game.. um.. drop me an email? ;) Pretty please? ;)

I believe I am going to take my overtime money I get on Tuesday and do a little clothes shopping. I am definately looking forward to that. :>

And that's it for now! Time to go hop on the treadmill......

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