I finally have found a solution (I hope) to my constant insomnia. Taking
The past few weeks have been rather whirlwindish. I can't believe it's the end of January already! I'm looking forward to getting my W2s from ARC (although from last year's example, they'll take their sweet time about it.), I already have my W2 from Crosscom.. I'm actually excited about doing my taxes this year, as this will be the first year my refund will not be garnished.
I blame a lot of what went wrong in my life on the divorce, when in actuality... a lot of it was my own fault. I suppose I started accepting responsibility for the mistakes and problems I caused back in 2002 when I first obtained a copy of my credit score and saw how awful it was. Two years later, I have nearly all my bad debts paid off, and I'm meeting with a financial advisor next month to get some advice for retirement planning and investment. It's.. extremely intimidating. Last month, I got another copy of my credit report and saw some nasty inconsistancies. I found that one of them was caused by a fubar (deliberate or not, I'm peeved) at my bank, resulting in 6 months of late payments to a creditor. Another.. I only have suspicions, since Experion did not respond to my online dispute request. I sent off a registered, return receipt letter to the creditor I suspect reported the problem. If I don't have a response within 30 days, I'll be calling a law firm
Brendan and I have discussed our futures a bit lately- the possibility of home ownership; the technicalities of home purchasing, mortgages.. and even beyond that. Children. Schooling. What we want to do with our lives.
There comes a point in your life when you're struck with the.. enormity of.. I guess life itself. It's very personal, despite all the clever ways the media refers to it. (The scenes from Men in Black come to mind) It makes you take a moment, step back, and observe; You look at things from a different perspective- for a brief moment, you're beyond the petty concerns of the daily grind, and you see.. beyond. I don't really know how to explain it. The end result is that some of the things you thought were of the utmost importance are seen for what they really are- petty concerns that will make no real impact on you.
I was struck today with the thought that I really want to be a good mother for any children I might bear. I really want to be a good daughter in law for my future inlaws. I want to be a good wife, to my future husband. To do all these things.. I must be what I am, to be a good person now.
There's more in my head, and in my heart.. but I think that's all I can share right now. I don't think I can get the rest into coherent thoughts, much less words.
I hope everyone has a good night, tonight. I know I will.