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I'm failing in my resolution to write daily. Oh well. Life is tootling along. The situations that frustrate me are still in place, but my ability to shrug them off into 'Not my Problem' land is getting better.

Bren and I have a general idea of what timelines we want to do things at, and that makes my obsessive little soul happy. Work continues to be a royal pain in the butt, but.. I've decided that if they are going to set me up in a position to fire me, at least I'll get unemployment. I am tired of being the recipient of all the difficult and annoying work- and for the longest time, I was really frustrated by that. I am sorry to say that I no longer give my all to my job like I did when I first came here.
In all truth, I don't really care about the company or the job anymore.

I'm not sure why I was singled out- if it's because of my appearance, my attitude, or my demeanor... (or perhaps my habit of complaining vociferously when too much is asked of me) but... what's done is done, and there's no way of undoing it. Today, they gave out performance reports. I consistently ranked 4th or lower (when there's only 7 people on the team, and the last two are administrative and don't take calls) on the reports, whereas CO (the lazy coworker) ranked 2nd and even first.I find this quite hard to believe, but.. hey. If it's true, then it's true. Guess I need to get off my butt a little more.

I'm high on dayquil right now, since I'm fighting off the flu (or something) with a big pointy stick. So please forgive rambling.

I've stopped longing for a miracle that would allow us to pick up and move to Boston. While that would take care of some nasty problems rather neatly, I realize that the problems need to be resolved properly. I also realized this past week (and the one before) that... I'm really tired of hypocrisy. I read a journal where someone completely and utterly crapped on another person- that thought the first person was their friend. I suppose at first glance, that's not such a crime; but when one takes into account that the two WERE close friends at one time... Bleh. Look folks.. if you don't like me, if you have a problem with me... and I don't know it? Please just say something. I will get out of your life with no problems, no backbiting, no fuss at all. Honest. I feel really sorry for the friend of the writer... but more, I think I pity the writer. Because they have no idea what they're tossing away.

Speaking of friendships.. I was really happy and heartened to see signs that one of our old friends may want to try repairing the gap that has sprung up between us. We're a long way, I think, from being back to where we were, but steps were made in the right direction, and... you know... that's wonderful.

.oOo.


All that was written from work. I came home around noon because I was feeling feverish and generally ucky. Around 2 pm, I attempted to nap, but the cats (mostly Cailet) were feeling their oats and wouldn't leave me alone. I got up and called my mom to discuss Christmas plans. I need to send them our itinerary, so my Dad can figure out how to get to our hotel. Evidently he's going to spend the day we fly in (Friday) at my grandmother's, which is about 2 hours from the New Orleans National Airport. He's going to pop in Saturday morning and pick us up, then we'll meander around the southern bits of Louisiana for a while, visiting my brothers and my grandmother, then heading up to where my folks live now. Dad wants to take us to the old place to show us his plans, evidently they still want us to have it. This makes me very happy. I'll probably see about saving up a downpayment for the mortgage after Christmas, so that they aren't having to worry about it. Either way, I'll be paying the taxes.

I'm both excited and nervous about visiting my folks. My parents are habitually critical and hard to deal with, which leaves me glad that this is to be a short visit. I'm also a little nervous about the flight, but more nervous that the hotel will lose our reservations or some similar foolishness. I went ahead and ordered one of my father's gifts from Amazon (Bless them!!!) and had it shipped. Expediting the shipping cost nearly the price of the item itself, but.. I wanted to be sure it got there before we did. I still need to grab things for my younger brother and my mom, and boxes to wrap them in, but the gifts for them will all easily pack into our luggage.

I'm tickled pink that two female aquaintances may be becoming more of actual... you know.. friends. It's been a long time since I had female friends nearby, so this is really really cool and exciting. :)

We're all excited about renfaire this year, and noises have been made about attending SCA events. I think Bren would enjoy the archery, and I would love to get involved with the costuming.

But anyway... Things are quiet tonight. I feel a bit crummy (beyond the physical discomfort) because I let stress get to me, and I was... unkind.. to someone I care about. I hope he'll forgive me, and know that it was not intentional.

Going to curl up and wait for Bren to get back from D&D, chat with moryssa, and perhaps venture out for dinner later. Hopefully my fever will abate soon.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
tygermoonfoxx
Dec. 4th, 2003 10:11 am (UTC)
Have you thought about an appeal to HR? If you don't think the reviews are correct, you do have that right. I don't know how much fuss you'd want to make or what the job is worth to you but it might provide some measure of comfort. Is there anyone who would be willing to collaberate regarding the lazy coworker's performance?

Good luck to you and I hope you feel batter.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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