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She's gone.

We had a cuddle this morning in the comfortable chair, and I told her how much I loved her, and how much she meant to me.  The vet's office was, as before, wonderful.

The boys, when we got home, whisked away her sickbed so I wouldn't have to see it.  The fleece she had been laying on will go into storage.

Tuesday we're going to talk to the local cat rescue, to fill out paperwork and describe our needs, and see if they have any kitties that might be a good match for us.  I think it's going to be some time before I can stop crying when I think of her - I still cry over Brianna, some 2 years after the fact.

So, to my darling, my love, my sweet Cailet... You turned 18 this month, I realized it at the vet's office.  I love you so very very much, and I wish we could have had years more together.  But you are no longer in pain, and I know you'll be waiting for me at the end of the Rainbow.  I love you sweetheart, so very very much.
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It is time.

They say all good things come to an end, and I've known for the last 17 years that our partnership would not be forever.

Cailet has cancer.  It's an extremely aggressive tumor located behind her left eye, and while she is still somewhat perky, she's started 'yelling' at us, which we think is an indication of pain.  She saw the kitty oncologist on Wednesday, and the prognosis is not good.  Our choices were radiation therapy (which might give us a few more months) and surgical removal, which would be very invasive and (I think) might result in the loss of vision in that eye.  We made the decision Weds evening to try and keep her comfortable and see if she might stay with us through December.

Since then... she's become more yelly, she hates her pain medication treatments, she hates the subcutaneous fluid treatments, she can't eat, so we have to force feed her, and... we had the discussion this morning that we're going to call the vet and make the appointment on Monday.

Cailet has been my constant companion since she was 6 weeks old.  She has moved 9 times with me, four of those interstate moves.  She saw me through a divorce, and through countless bouts of depression.  Whenever I needed it, she was there for a cranky cuddle.  I have told Brendan that I don't want to be there when they give her the shot, but the odds are good that I'll change my mind, and see my girl into that good night.

When we lost Brianna, she left a hole that was too big to consider feeling.  Losing Cailet is going to leave a crater in my heart that I just... can't function with.  We will be looking for another fuzzy companion soon, to help Marcus cope, and to help me grieve.

Edit:  We take her in at 10:30 tomorrow morning.
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(no subject)

This has been our weekend:

Our AC was fixed this morning, but it's still a little warm in the office.  Need to figure out if we need to augment the air in there, or if a fan will do it.  The afternoon sun bakes us a bit. 
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We're Safe

For anyone worrying about our little household... we're all safe. We were not watching the Marathon.  We got word from Shadow that he's okay, and we're a little shaky and wigged out, but otherwise fine.

Thank you to everyone that texted to ask- the cell towers are (understandably) overloaded, so if I don't respond right away... that's why. <3
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State of Mind

I should probably post an update so that people know I’m not dead.

So. Yes. Not dead. We’re in the middle of moving (officially next week), so if you have reason to want/need our new address, ping me and I’ll send it to you. For those that missed this news, our landlord sold the multi-family house we were renting an apartment in, and the new owners jacked the rent by $500. Even if they hadn’t raised the rent to lolwut levels, we would have moved anyway- we had a wonderful roommate moving in, and our place just wasn’t big enough for three.

So we found a stunningly beautiful 4 bedroom apartment just a mile away, and this scruffy looking guy that used to lurk around our couch eating cheesecake decided he was tired of his basement and claimed one of the bedrooms for himself. So now there are four of us, and it is good. (I am truly happy, J is like a brother to me, and C is just amazing.)

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Anyway, that’s the state of things. Now back to work!
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(no subject)

There's been a rash of people removing me from their LJ friends lists lately, and... I'm honestly cool if it's one of those things that.. because I never post, etc.  But if I did something to offend or upset someone, I'd really appreciate a chance to make it right.

This isn't directed at any one person, I came back this afternoon to like 5 'removed from friends list' emails and I was just a little... surprised.
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Ahh, hello 4 AM! We have not seen each other in a while, usually I'm socializing with 5am, but apparently I wanted to change things up a bit.   Yeah, I realize I have a really busy day today, but you have seemed a little lonely, and I'm wide awake.

So how are you doing?

...wakeful insomnia sucks.
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(no subject)

There are days when I feel like our lives are lines on some cosmic balance sheet, and whenever we get good news, something bad has to happen to balance it out.

Mom went to Baton Rouge yesterday and had the bolts removed from her leg. She was returned to the rehab hospital today, and I spent quite a while talking to her. She was alert, cheerful, and a whole different person from the hopeless dispirited creature I spoke with before.

On top of that, we've signed a lease! It is also in Somerville, on top of Winter Hill. It is an absolutely beautiful place, we fell in love with it the moment we saw it. The only criteria we had that it didn't satisfy was off street parking, and it's a liiiittle far from the Red Line for Bren to walk (Although walking to Porter might be an option). It's expensive; punch in the gut 'holy cow' expensive, but we'll have two wonderful people moving in to share the place and associated expenses. I'm excited, we'll be moving around mid-September.

The 'Haha, no really' came this evening when both of us cocked our heads and said 'Do you hear... rain?' There was no rain outdoors, but our bedroom and bathroom ceiling were showing unanticipated precipitation! Call to the landlord later, roho is crawling around in the basement and third floor crawlspace trying to turn things off, as the caretaker was out this evening.

We'll have to stay awake for our landlord to drive down from Maine, which puts us going to bed pretty late, but... hopefully we'll have water in the morning. Roho says he feels incredibly nasty.

Oh! The caretaker just got home, we may get to bed at a decent hour after all. :3
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Updates on my mother.

She was released from the hospital a bit over week.. week and a half ago and sent home. She lasted at home for 4 days before they had to move her to a Rehabilitation hospital because she couldn't move at home and was in excrutiating pain.

She was at the rehab hospital for 4 days before they sent her to the Emergency Room last night for fluids because she was dehydrated, was refusing food and constantly had the dry heaves. They did a CT scan because they were concerned about bowel blockages. When I speak with her, her speech is slurred and unintelligible. We're both frustrated with the inability to communicate, and she's taken to just shoving the phone at my father to act as a go-between.

My younger brother (who is a nurse) said that the infection has moved into the bolts holding her knee immobile, and that they are attempting to move up the date when those are removed. It was to be the end of July, he's hoping they can move it up a week.

He goes on to report that she's been on 3 antibiotics (although he only knew about vancomycin), and the infection is 'still bad'.

Right now I'm in limbo. I am having flashbacks of when my grandmother went into the hospital 6 years ago. The family kept the severity of her illness from me until they called to tell me she was dying. She was gone within 12 hours of that phone call.

My mother is 72 years old. She has been in poor health for a long time, and has spoken with pleasure of 'when it'll all be over and I can move on. Don't grieve for me' for the past several years. So I have the very real fear that she'll give up and let herself go.

I am now on standby, credit card in hand. Matthew (my brother) is supposed to report back to me this morning on her condition; he and his girlfriend (also a nurse) have been trying to keep tabs on her where my father could not. If she worsens, I will be catching the next flight to Louisiana.